Updated: Dec 10, 2021
How do we cope when we suffer the loss of a relationship? Our growth as individuals, as a community, and as a society depends on our interpersonal connections. We spend our lives building such relationships that add meaning and value to our existence here in the universe. Maintaining these relationships helps to give us the support we need to hold firm roots to the earth.
What do I do when one of them breaks?
All of my relationships evolve and grow, just as my thoughts and ideas of who I am, are evolving, shifting as my perspective on the world change. In that defining my role and how I interact and fit into that. My needs change. My emotions grow, redefined and wither. In my relationship, there are moments where those bonds fortify, become stronger and we will grow together because of it. Our paths continuing to run parallel. Just as often, there are moments that cause those bonds to shrivel and thin. It is a truth I have come to learn, that nothing is forever, there is only now, and Now might be a very long time. But eventually our needs, my needs, would have to be addressed. Those needs, forming choices and events that likely will draw us/me to a different path and we separate. Following signposts leading off, toward infinite possibilities of choices, creating opportunities and other experiences. I have discovered my own needs for growth and change, and sometimes those in my life seem locked in keeping things the status quo. I realize I would be doing myself an injustice, I would be living for someone else's joy instead of my own. How can my Joy be present in my relationships? Is it selfish for me to think? Or is it my destiny to put others first and scrapbook my dreams and create vision boards of maybe's and some-days? Of course not, I realize I am the person that steps away because my needs, dreams and goals for the future need to be manifested. The bonds I have created might strengthen because we are working toward a common goal while others fall away.
It happens all the time
Who am I in this? When a relationship comes to the end of its shelf life, as my truth has taught me it will. Yes, there are a lot of people in my life whose shelflife has spanned decades. Those individuals are willing to experience life beside me, their presence in my life adds colour. It is not true for others, the shelf life is much shorter, and those moments are just as precious, even if that person doesn't stay long. How do we say goodbye in these moments? How do we step away when the other is unwilling to? Moments when you providing nourishment for the other, supporting their endeavours, while you are being starved?
Saying goodbye is probably the hardest thing to do in life, I have done it so many times. For some, I have simply turned and vanished into the crowd. For others, there have been clinging, desperate tears where I had to be violent to kick them off my ankles. Then there are some with the abrupt end with the social media block. I had to resort to a number of ways to say goodbye. A number of these methods were used on me when my journey ended with them. How do I become okay when a goodbye? it is loss, it is like death in a way. How do I prepare myself to do what is necessary for my happiness? How do I better accept others, when it is time for them to step into their own? Even my goodbyes have a shelf life. My choices, my experiences shape and shape me to be the person I am today. In that, I accept that maybe, I might be open to revisiting some of these old connections. Sure not all these connections are romantic, but those connections where we can receive each other in the fullness of who we are. Now that is something I am might be open to...
What I do, again this might not work for everyone:
I acknowledge that people leave my lives for all sorts of reasons, I don't always understand why. I might not get the answers I ask for, nor the answer I need or the answers I want. Maybe, no answer at all.
I try not to focus too much on regrets of the past, or on what I could've have done differently. It's done.
I like to explore the idea of how this relationship has changed me, how have I grown?
How will this learning reflect on my next relationship?
There are indeed some relationships that are worth fighting for, or perhaps worth revisiting in the future. Maybe I/they were just not ready for what I/they were offering at present.