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  • Writer's pictureBrandon Robbins

Finding the Balance of my Yes

Updated: Dec 10, 2021

Out of all the words we use every day, two are the most powerful. Two simple words: “Yes” and “No”. These words have the power to open us as people to new experiences or do they control how much we do experience within any given time. As much as I am encouraged to go out into the world saying “yes” to choices, “yes” to possibilities, “yes” to change, and “yes” to living your greatest life!

As much I would love to go blindly through life say Yes to every opportunity, seeing it as an invitation to experience something new, for the sake of it. Saying yes to people and favours, perhaps doing something nice for them would make me feel more complete, and connected to this person/people/community and help me feel connected to something. Saying yes to change, because I have seen and heard how my behaviour impacts people and I’d like to be a better person. Saying yes, to this extent is exhausting. As I am writing this I find myself saying say yes to others and changing who am for their sake. Perhaps Who I am is embarrassing for them? I can’t help but pause to wonder what exactly I am yes to? Why?

Why say "yes" to others when I am not saying yes to myself?

Where is the balance? I am still actively seeking for it, that balance of things to say "yes" to. Going deeper, reflecting on the reason why I should say "yes", what value does that yes have? What exactly is the opportunity? How does it affect me and help me grow? What intention am I setting in taking this on? How will it change me? Will I regret it? Who else does this benefit? Does saying yes and taking this chance suit someone else purposes? Am I agreeing to this because it will make someone else proud? Will I gain their approval? Is that what I need?

These are the things that spiral in my mind when decisions like these come to the surface. Except I have begun to explore their meaning

and the impacts that would be made in my life. I like not to regret my choices. Some things can’t be helped. Discovering that to have balance, saying yes to everyone and everyone, I’d have no time for myself. I’d exhaust myself for the sake of others and seeing the joy on their faces isn’t enough to replenish myself.

All of these things are part of my process to decide what I need to do and why? Coming to the realization that I can’t say "yes" to everything. There are times I should say "no". Times I have to say "no". If not a full "no"; a not today.

The process continues, So I understand why I am choosing to say no. What about this opportunity doesn’t feel right? Perhaps during the process of weighing pros and cons, the cons won out. There are a lot of reasons why things just don’t work out, personal reasons, bad experiences with those parts of those projects. Maybe it’s just the simple lack of interest, not enough information to make an informed decision. In the end, it’s having the understanding, knowing my reasoning and being okay with it. Perhaps my no is said in order to help me feel that sense of safety.

How do I say no? I wonder how to say no without hurting feelings? Hearing no many times myself, it felt like rejection and I found my feelings got hurt. Can I say no, and be kinder about it? I mean I could say:

“I’m not ready to make that choice” or “those are some great options but I’d rather do something else” or “Thanks, but I need a bit of time to adjust, I need to consider the options”. “Thank you but I’m not interested,”

As this thought of mine comes to a close. I pause to consider the balance, the intention I set for myself. To reflect and better understand what it means for me to venture forward. To reflect on what calls me to say yes and ponder what cautions me to say no. Even so, whatever I choose to decide, I have to keep myself in mind and hope that help propel me toward my goals to help me live my greatest life.

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