We Don't Really Know Each Other Anymore...

I've come to realize that my circle of friends is pretty small.

While meeting people and trying to create new connections, I've also realized how much time I've spent chasing acquaintanceships. People come into my life for a season; we share a few experiences, and eventually we fall out of touch.

There is nothing necessarily wrong with that. Not everyone we meet is meant to become a friend.

But I've started thinking about how many of these connections continue through social media long after the relationship itself has faded.

I have people connected to me whom I haven't spoken to in years. People from previous jobs, old social circles, and earlier versions of my life. There are relatives, too. I recognize their names and occasionally glimpse their lives through a post, but I don't really know them anymore.

And they have access to me.

They can see what I share, what I think about, and sometimes what is happening in my personal life. I post reflections, ideas, and experiences that mean something to me. Some of it is quite personal.

But I have to ask myself what these connections actually represent.

Do we know each other, or are we simply following each other's lives from a distance?

A like or an emoji is a form of interaction, but it doesn't tell me whether someone wants to know me or whether I want to know them. We may recognize each other's names and see occasional updates without having any meaningful involvement in each other's lives.

There may be nothing wrong with that arrangement. Social media can maintain a loose connection without either person expecting more.

But I've realized I don't want to confuse that with friendship.

I have relatives whose lives I know very little about. I don't know what they're experiencing, what matters to them, or what they're working through. I don't feel particularly included in their lives, and I suspect they could say much the same about mine.

We're connected, but we're not close.

That realization has made me reconsider how much of my life I want to share with people who are no longer actively involved in it.

Do I need everyone who follows me to know what's happening in my world? Do I need to maintain access simply because we knew each other once?

My answer has increasingly been no.

That isn't a judgment of those people. They have their own reasons for maintaining these connections, just as I have had mine.

But a shared past doesn't guarantee a present relationship. People change, circumstances change, and sometimes we continue holding on to the idea of a connection long after our lives have moved in different directions.

I've decided to stop doing that.

I've removed a considerable number of people from my social media, including some family members. I haven't blocked them. I'm not angry, and I'm not holding a grudge.

I'm simply changing who has access to my life.

If someone wants to know how I'm doing, they can reach out. If they want to share something happening in their life, they can tell me. We can have a conversation and find out where we stand.

There are other ways to stay connected. We managed it before social media existed. We picked up the phone, sent messages, visited, and asked someone how a person was doing.

And, in my case, there's always my mother. She seems to know everything, so the traditional family information network remains available for anyone who needs it.

Seriously, though, I want my online space to reflect the life I actually live: smaller, more comfortable, and centred on the people with whom I have a genuine interest in sharing it.

My circle has always been small. I'm comfortable with that.

I'd rather have a handful of meaningful relationships than a long list of names that leave me wondering whether we know each other at all.

I recognize that some people may notice my absence from their feeds. Some may wonder why they can no longer see what I share. Others may take it personally or assume I'm upset with them.

I can't control those interpretations.

I'm not doing this to send a message or provoke a response. I'm not waiting for someone to notice and reach out. That would defeat the purpose.

I'm doing it because I no longer want to maintain the appearance of a relationship simply because the connection is still there online.

Perhaps that's what has happened with some of these people. We continued following each other, looking at occasional updates, and allowing the connection to remain in place. Meanwhile, our lives moved on, and we never acknowledged the distance that had developed.

Now I am.

I can appreciate the time when we knew each other without assuming we still do. I can wish someone well without needing to remain connected to their life online.

And I can accept that some people will remain acquaintances, some may become friends again, and others will continue along their own paths without me.

That isn't a failure. It's an acknowledgment of where things stand.

I don't want to chase connections or create stories about relationships that may no longer exist. I'd rather be honest about what I know, what I don't know, and where there is room for something more.

If you want to know me, reach out.

Ask me how I'm doing. Tell me what's happening in your life. Let's have a conversation.

We can start there.

And if we don't, that's okay too.

We can continue in our different directions without pretending we're still walking together.