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  • Writer's pictureBrandon Robbins

Facing Who I Am

Who I am? is an age-old existential question and I find myself asking that quite a bit during this reflection.  Through this reflection I found myself connecting with my identity, those building blocks that have become my foundation. The place where I was born and raised, the culture of that place and also the culture I inherited. How does it all fit together with the experiences I’ve had since leaving that place? All of those moments, simmering together in that melting pot. The emotional turmoil adds its sense of spice, having me face not only the moments of achievement but also the ones that bring me to contemplate those deep moments of darkness. I’ve had many. Some would suggest it is better to ignore our dark times and just look to the light. 

I don’t agree, I’ve learned more about myself through the lens of the darkness inside me. It is neither good nor evil. Just as I am neither a good person nor an evil person. I want to be kind. To be kind after living in darkness, not only to accept it but to understand it. These moments I suffered, and the emotions that live there. To see myself in all of it. I am who I am because of all of these moments, they could be defined as dark or light but too much of either I find myself losing myself.  So I depend on both to help me understand the world. Accepting both sides as one, so I can better step into the world as myself. 

Who I am changes every day. The experiences of the days and weeks before, shaped the me of today which continue to work and shape the me of tomorrow and the tomorrows that have yet to come. Having a rich past that I do, has helped me to step into myself, my whole self. Not to leave out or exclude those parts that might be unsavoury or difficult to face. But I can look in the mirror now and smile when I see my face. It wasn’t always so easy.  

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