Trigger warning — this message discusses suicide and its aftermath. If anything I say brings up immediate danger for you or someone else, please call your local emergency number now or a crisis line (in the U.S. or Canada, dial 988). When a loved one completes suicide, grief does not arrive as a single emotion. It arrives as a rupture—an event that fractures time, meaning, memory, and identity for those left behind. This form of grief is often called complicated  or traumatic

Trigger warning — this message discusses suicide and its aftermath. If anything I say brings up immediate danger for you or someone else, please call your local emergency number now or a crisis line (in the U.S. or Canada, dial 988). When a service member dies by suicide, the shock is physical — a unit that shared food, watch, jokes, and missions now has an absence that feels like a hole in the formation. The loss lands differently than other deaths. It carries operational, p

A narrative exploration of grief as it is lived by those in active service—and by the families who love them—without relying on stage-based models. This grief is not an event. It is a climate. It settles into daily life and reshapes it. The Grief of Active Service There is a quiet grief that begins long before anything is lost. It begins the first time duty is chosen over dinner, over bedtime, over a promised weekend. It is not a dramatic decision. It rarely feels like a choi

Careers aren’t just jobs—they are identities, stories, futures we imagine into being. So when something in our career begins to die—a dream, a role, a plan, a version of who we thought we were—the emotional terrain mirrors grief. A career transition can feel like walking through the same rooms that the dying, or the grieving, pass through. Each room asks something of us. None are wrong. All are human. Here is how those stages often unfold on the path of work. 1. Denial — “Thi

Losing a career isn’t just losing a job. It is losing a rhythm, a role, a way you introduced yourself at parties, a structure around your days, a source of pride, and—sometimes—your sense of self. Like any major loss, it leaves a deep vacancy that requires mourning. The Six Needs of Mourning offer a way to understand that inner terrain. Below is how each need shows up when the loss you’re grieving is your career . 1. Acknowledge the Reality of the Loss This is the moment when

1. The Room of Acknowledgment This is the first room you enter after loss—a space where reality gently echoes back to you.The walls are bare at first, because truth needs room to breathe. Here you speak the reality of the loss to yourself, again and again, until your voice stops shaking.Some days the door is too heavy to open; other days you wander in without meaning to.This room doesn’t rush you—it simply holds the fact that something has changed that cannot be undone. It ’s

A framework for acknowledging, processing, and integrating the end of a once-anchoring friendship. 1. Accept the Reality of the Friendship’s Ending What this means in friendships: Friendship endings rarely come with ceremony or clarity. They often fade, fracture slowly, or collapse abruptly. Accepting the ending does not mean approving of it. It means acknowledging that the friendship no longer functions as it once did. Processes that support this need: Naming the loss: “We a

1. Denial — “No… this must be a misunderstanding.” Sudden endings trigger acute disbelief . Where slow endings erode, sudden endings rupture. Denial here shows up as: Trying to rationalize the abruptness: “They’re overwhelmed… they’ll text back.” Reading and re-reading the last message, searching for clues you missed. Replaying the final interaction as if it will reveal a hidden hinge. Expecting them to return any moment because things were “fine” yesterday. Sudden loss disor

1. Denial — “Maybe we’re just busy.” In a mutual ending, denial is shared and gentle. Neither person wants to admit the drift, so both keep explaining it away. It looks like: Long gaps in communication that both people try to brush off. Plans that keep getting postponed, but no one pushes hard to reschedule. A belief that “we’ll reconnect when life calms down,” even though life never does. Both people are sensing the shift but not wanting to name it. This stage is protective.

What role does silence play in the conversations with elders? Silence plays a significant and powerful role in conversations with elders. It serves several purposes: Reflection and Understanding : Silence allows for moments of contemplation. When you pose the question about what it means to do something in "a good way," the elders' silence signifies their thoughtful consideration of the question and its deeper implications. Expression of Wisdom : The elders' smiles and the in

As I dive deeper into my own spirituality, I find myself entering circles and listening to the elders speak. A phrase I hear often is the act of doing something “in a good way.” To perform acts of ceremony, medicine, and share teachings means to do so in “a good way.” I’m hearing this idea more and more, and I pause to wonder what it truly means for me. I want to do things “in a good way” . But what is that? What makes it good, right, or correct? Since then, conversations hav

I begin today and try to begin everyday with a choice. How will I experience the day. What is the intention I hope lead with. What do I...

It is the time of year when friends and loved ones are feeling loss, those who are loved and continues to spark in memory. Only they are...