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  • Writer's pictureBrandon Robbins

What do I Feel?

Updated: Mar 9

I believe it is important for everyone to be in touch with their emotions, not only knowing the emotions that bubble to the surface but the reasons why they surface at all. Our emotions help us realize our humanity, helping me to connect and relate to others because I may have had similar situations happen to me, that I might be able to empathize with. 

Connecting to my emotions is challenging, having been taught that any emotions besides happiness are negative and to consider how my feelings impact others. It is better to just not, as it affects others negatively thus, any emotions are unwelcome. 

During my training, I was forced to open the vault inside me explore myself, and let loose the torrents from inside me. I rather enjoyed it, and brought me closer to understanding myself. I found myself dreaming of them. Each of them with their face and personality, all of them living in a house of my making. Like a family, I was their parent. From each, I explored our relationship, and what they needed from me to grow and also, through a meditative practice, we found places and spaces inside myself for them to express themselves safely. I began to understand what their relationship was with me, and how they assisted me in my experience. It is not always helpful but I learned to forgive and express my needs so we can better ourselves and how we can better respond to outside stimuli. 

  • My Anger, in my mind I see as a handyman. He is not the best at problem-solving, he often gets hurt in the process. He helps me realize my passions and the things worth fighting for. The challenges I've yet to overcome, he helps me to see what the challenge is and work at it. His process is not perfect, but he gets better as he moves through the challenges, learning how to be better. 

  •  My Fear is a Scout. He helps me to prepare, the more he knows about the situation the more prepared he is for that situation and the probable outcomes. 

  • My Surprise is the twin to Fear. He is an army cadet. Because I don't like surprises, he is good with maps and anticipates situations where I might be surprised, so I can prepare myself for those uncomfortable situations.

  • My Sadness, an Artist. Transforming my loss and grief, heartache in works of art, poetry. Helping me embrace my past and the pain and see the beauty there. To find those learning moments, and wisdom that came from my disappointments

  • My Disgust, a home builder, is the elder brother of them all, and I believe he works the hardest because he creates the spaces where everyone lives inside my house of wonder. Creates the spaces for us all to come together and support each other. Also creates barriers between me and the things that I find offensive. He helps me to keep my distance from those situations. Sometimes those walls have windows, so I can look at them and learn from them at a safe distance. Some things that I find disgusting are because I know little about it. When I'm ready to engage with it, that wall will have a door installed. Sometimes, it's the opposite, the doors and windows disappear. 

Since experimenting with this concept, a family,  living and working together to live a better life. A good life. I know many might have realized that I didn't mention joy. I embody my joy, I create situations where I can be happy. That is something I must do, for me. It's not up to anyone else. Just me.

If an environment doesn’t exist where I can feel joy. If it lacks the community that I need to feel valued and nourished. Then I must create it for myself, and invite those to share in those moments where we can all be happy. Moments where we can create joy and share it. 

I enjoyed this, it gave me a better understanding of what it is I feel, creating constructs I can relate with and continue to get to know myself in a deeper and meaningful way.

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